circles

i grew up keeping things to myself. i seldom cried when i was bruised, and never when hurt by a neighbor. for the longest time, i never told anybody of what was inside of me. i really kept things to myself...early on, i relied on my two strong feet...i succumbed myself to thinking that i am the only one who can help myself best. my close friends say its selfishness, but for me, its comfort. i never found solace knowing that there's somebody who knows my predicaments and i veer away from people who have the skill of reading what's in my mind.

it was tough. growing up was hard. it felt like nobody really knew you. then you meet somebody, and decide to change...you fell in love and totally gave youself up...including what you consider your most intimate and private thoughts...your very own person. you gave everything thinking that you will be together forever. then the relationship falls apart and tears you up like there was no life to look forward to, nor a future to build.

as i go through life now, i realized that it's not growing up that's hard, what's even harder is overcoming the pain of moving on. moving on and going back to my old self. over the course of my relationship, i completely forgot who i was, and my ways, and decided to give this person a way into me. but hard as it is, i had to find my way back to my old self.

looking back, i wasn't sorry for deciding to be who i was when i was with her. it was a decision that i made because my feelings for her was so strong that that sufficed. now, three years after the break-up, im back to my old self again. enjoying every minute of solace. nurturing myself through self introspection. now that i am here...and alone, the pain of moving on subsides slowly. i know one day i'll wake up feeling nothing. feeling that i am my old self again...and then i'll realize that i'm ready to take that chance and fall in love again...and ready to forget myself again...and it goes on and on.