happy birthday to me

my birthday was a work day. to be quite frank, my birthdays have always been usual days. it is so unremarkable that my i am writing my birthday entry just now! :-)
but don't get me wrong, i always celebrate life. life has always been good to me and i embrace it with so much passion. to say the least, my life has always been full of surprises and unplanned turns.

today is different though, being far is never easy for me. i don't know how long i can hold on to this situation. however, i also know that this could be forever. i am very far away from all of my comfort zones, and from the people i hold dear to me. nevertheless, this is an opportunity i cannot pass and a blessing i have to be thankful for. i will be here for the meantime.

unexpectedly, my friends at the office surprised me with a birthday cake! what made it special was the fact that it was baked by a close friend there! in an environment where i am surrounded by foreigners (we are like the UN, diversity-speaking!), it is hard to get accustomed to people's various personalities and shifting moods. i am just glad that i have someone who respects me and where i came from, and totally understands me when i am not in my best element. i also got another surprise from my Filipino friends...they surprised me with a dinner celebration! whoa! in short, it was awesome...i never expected anything from any of them, but they just took away, even for a brief moment, my loneliness and craving for my family and lifelong friends in the Philippines.

in general, i am (even up to this point) amazed to say that my 30th birthday (there i go with my REAL age!) was a great blast. i got the best cards from my sister and mother, text messages from the Philippines and Canada, and just yesterday, i got a huge card in from my friends at Philippine Airlines! it was great....these things might not have happened if i were still back home....come on, some of my brothers even forgot to greet me! hahahahaha!

thank you all for making my birthday special!

maybe this time

maybe this time…Posted on January 24th, 2009 in Uncategorized | Edit

maybe this time…maybe this time love won’t end…so goes michael murphy’s song. and who knows? hehehehe!

i’ve always loved this song…and for some strange reasons, i have been singing it lately. nope…nothing uncommon is happening. i am completely at peace with my pastsss, and this is true (hahahahaha! go convince them some more!). but sans the humor, i just really like this song. albeit the melancholic tune, the lyrics tell a powerful story of an almost unconsumed love that found each other again. what was good about it was that it seemed that the past didn’t matter. the past was kept where it should be…in the past.

Maybe This Time

Two old friends meet again
Wearin’ older faces
And talk about the places they’ve been

Two old sweethearts who fell apart
Somewhere long ago
How are they to know
Someday they’d meet again
And have a need for more than reminiscin’

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time, love won’t end

It’s the same old feeling back again
It’s the one that they had way back when
They were too young to know when love is real
But somehow, some things never change
And even time hasn’t cooled the flame
It’s burnin’ even brighter than it did before
It got another chance, and if they take it…

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time, love won’t end

She’s smilin’ like she used to smile way back then
She’s feelin’ like she used to feel way back when
They tried, but somethin’ kept them
Waiting for this magic moment

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time…

Maybe this time
Maybe this time love won’t end

a colorful victory

i watched the inaugration of barack obama, america's 44th and first black president. our president. i always tell my friends this; his victory is our victory. his is not only the triumph of the blacks, but laso the victory of all the people with color. and that incudes me! i am just so glad that this happened during my lifetime. it was inconceivable some five years ago. but look at where we are right now. cynicism and disparagement became a surreal reality.

this is 200 years in the making. the so-called america’s original sin now in power. a majestic victory. this is a case were yesterday’s history is just history. obama’s family, will now ironically reside at the white house, the very same abode constructed by the black slaves. obama definitely re-writes history.

i am certain that racism will not die upon obama's assumption into office. however, i am a staunch beleiver of beginnings. at least this is a beginning of something. obama's victory starts an era where everything is possible. people's empowerment is at all-time high. and that is not just in america, but all over the world. i can only surmise that never in the world's history did people anticipated and waited and tuned in to the swearing in of america's new president. well, this is at least my first time. the democratic primary was also my first time to really be glued in america's politics.

i am just happy. i may not be american, but i am a citizen of the world. and i repeat, his victory is mine as well. this is indeed a colorful victory.

being accepting and giving in to compromises

i never really liked compromises. i remember when i was way younger, i used to really and literally scold my friends for settling into various compromises. may it be compromises in their studies, love lives, or anything. back then, white is white and black is black for me. grey just never really existed in my own dictionary. but as i age and become wiser, i figured, i was right all along.

however, if it were an option for others, compromises should never be a habit, otherwise, it will penetrate your system and always have it as an excuse in whatever decision you hand down.

i am not saying that things are always smooth for me. difficult situations which have no easy and instant solutions at hand need considerable time and a lot of thinking. i can say that i am now more accepting...hmmm...accepting seems a nice and better word. is it synomymous to making compromises or concessions? i don't think so. methinks that being accepting as distinguished from the C word means you are more open to possibilities. it maybe vague possibilities that may lead to something else. however, it doesn't necessarily mean giving in to things you don't believe in or principle bending. to yield is to compromise. to accept is to be understanding that things cannot be done in the offing....but not giving in to it...get it?

wanting and being wanted

i’m certain that all of us crave for something. and who doesn’t dream of being wanted? i can’t imagine anyone not having something for him or herself. i am no exception. it is always hard to want things that aren’t in your easy disposal. that is made especially difficult if you are far from your comfort zones. much less, afar from home and distant from family and friends.

i am as simple as the next random guy around. i don’t even have big dreams. just simple ones, and yet sometimes it just feels difficult to achieve them. i may be better off where i am right now, but i ain’t stuck with it or here. there are still so many things that i want in life, but not all of them are in any way major. i will strive to live simply but will remain dreaming big; this might not necessarily be for myself, but mostly for people i care about.

wanting for something significant for myself is a thing that i will always keep. whatever that is, i will strive to attain it. being wanted might be it. who knows? i may have both.

dying young

dying at 45 is not so bad.

i mean by then i’m pretty much sure that i’ve done everything. in my life’s personal checklist, i think i’ve pretty much covered everything: i’ve travelled extensively, seen the world; did good and did mean things; went crazy; fell in and out of love; taught at the university; had my research published in a well-respected and peer-reviewed international journal and presented the same research abroad; worked in no less than the # 1 companies in their field and now at an international organization; earned and lost money; met my father and knew him well enough to know myself in the process; became so close to my siblings again and that was really great! loved and hated people; i’ve been very nice and mean at the same time; was then very dependent and now very much independent; went skiing, snowshoeing, spelunking, hiking, surfing, went to the islands, the country, and the city; saw at least one great wonder of the world and now up to see another one; was hospitalized for a period i never thought will end; was called (?) and turned my back, but now seriously thinking about it again; was drunk like there's no tomorrow and avoided alcohol at the same time; slept for just an hour and slept the entire day; made some great friendships and lost some of the best ones as well; was at my very best and worst; pursued to learned french and stopped it! hahahaha!what else...?!

...and so many other things!

apparently, i am not to judge and decide as when this life will end. i mean, it’s not as if i can’s take it. in fact, i believe that there’s always a side of us that wants to take it once we cannot handle life. but that’s cowardice and plain stupidity. and i am not dumb to do just that.

but really, dying young is always a possibility – and dying can happen anytime. the reason why i can welcome it with ease and with great acceptance is the fact that i have somehow lived my life in ways i want it lived. i may have some regrets though, actually, there some parts of it that i would rather not remember, or wished never happened. but my life has been great that those forgettable events seem to just vanish in a second.

so, to die at 45 is fine. gee, got to do some more good stuff...i’m nearing that age! :) but i’m not mortified. :)

i will one day meet my God and tell him that i lived it great and knew just how to live it again. i will tell Him that some stuff that He made aren't really for us all, but trusts that His reasons far outweigh our capacity to understand. on the whole, i am sure that i will be forgiven as i have made my life meaningful and worth living.

so again, am i mortified to die at 45? the answer - NO!

the curious case of gabriel gan

i just saw the movie the curious case of benjamin button, and i say that it’s a good film. the film’s plot was good and the acting superb. brad pitt’s acting has really improved a lot. and of course, cate blanchett was in her element! she was just a sight to behold.

but what struck really me was the love story of the two protagonists. imagine this; they met when they were still young (although benjamin was curiously old), became friends, fell in love, benjamin left daisy, and they found each other again. and these all happened in the same old house where benjamin was left by his father.
theirs was a case of right love at the wrong time. In fact they fell in love with different people over a couple of time. and daisy fell in love with benjamin when he was still oddly old-looking. daisy in return stood by him even at death’s point. the events in their loves didn’t stop them from finding each other and finally being together.

at first, i couldn’t really understand benjamin’s rationale for leaving daisy and his daughter. it left me to think that it was strange for someone to declare great love but leaves them for whatever reason. i guess in reality, though, we do have to make some sacrifices, even up to the point of giving up that one single thing that we want the most...giving up that one great love even if it meant our very own existence.

on my way home, sitting alone on the metro, i was led to think about my own life and how my story would be concluded. it was case of personal curiosity. i am here, after barely three months since i left manila, a stranger in this strangely part of the world, where everything is so superficial and temporary (and very cold)... then i thought about my past. things about my youth, falling in love...and the strange things i did because i was so in love. then i asked myself; am i still capable of doing things again because i was madly in love with this person up to the point of losing myself all over again? benjamin and daisy lost everything when they lost each other. just as everything was fine, benjamin showed again, looking different but with the same old feeling for daisy. in the very end still found each other and went on with what they had. am i just as vulnerable as those two? Am i still capable of loving someone like i used to? or was i truly hurt that it might be next to impossibility to fall in love as intensely as a young man would? these form part my case. a case that i may have to find out myself as i continue to dwell in this remotely effervescent country...i hope i will sing a different tune next time...