a soulful relationship

read on...read on...read on...

an african proverb states, "before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.

once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. if you love your partner and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. you and your partner have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. you are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? do you bring out the best in each other?

do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? what do you bring to the relationship? do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? you can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. you can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

if you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. what keeps a relationship strong?

communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).

leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.

sharing common goals and interests. growth is important. grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. allow your mate to have outside interest. you can't always be together. give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. don't try to control one another. learn each other's family situation. respect his or her parents regardless.

don't put pressure on each other for material goods. remember for richer or for poorer. if these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

the difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.

remember, new and budding lovers always seek perfection, those who have been together for so long learn the art of sewing the shreads together and learn to see beauty in a multiplicity of patches!

the late great fernando poe, jr.

the funeral will be simple but fitting to a king...was the plan of those who will arrange the funeral of the late great king of philippine movie movies, fernando poe, jr who succumed to his untimely demise at the age of 65.

this guy could have been the president of the country...if not for his hotly contested "controversial" loss to the now sitting president. im not a fan nor did i vote for him in the last presidential elections. up to this time, i still believe he should not have run for the country's highest office...his incapacities and inadequacies don't qualify him for the highest post of the land. i am not saying that his being an actor made him disqualified for the position, but the presidency is more than shaking hands, photo ops, and drinking sessions. it is a serious task that not even i, even if i earn a doctorate in development studies or economics, would dare think of pursuing. it is not even keeping the interest rates, infaltion rates stable or lower or the creation of more and better job opportunities that will keep the unemployment rate better...it is not just that, it is more than that!

seeing and hearing his legions of fans, firiends, and relatives, speak greatly of him made me think that the guy may indeed have a golden heart. a golden heart that have touched so many lives. but then again, it takes more than a golden heart to rule a mighty and sketchy 80 or so million people and a scattered 7,107 (or god knows how many) islands.

that's my take on the issue, you may never agree with me but that's it!

on the other hand, his untimely passing is a glimmer reminder that death is always at hand. that none of us is certain of how, and when, and where it will be taken away. that death is not a monopoly of someone but of all. that death always comes like a thief in the night might be a cliche, but lo and behold! it truly comes when we least expect it.

we always mourn for someone's death, that's given. but come to think of it, the irony is that the one taken away is far luckier than we all are...for they are in a much better place, a place where there needs no election for the presidency, no electoral protests, no ill feelings, no nothing!

now, who's more fortunate? think again!

when you're faced with a fading vision and a striving mission

doing what and being where my heart desires is an ultimate goal. this has been a fervent wish of mine to friends who celebrate special days, most especially their birthdays, but admittedly, it has been my personal struggle for many years. just this morning, at around 1:45 am, i got a text message from thomas, a good friend from the graduate shool, asking how i am. there are times when he texts just to say that he's down and just needed some unloading. this time it was my time to shine...i needed some releasing! honestly, i didn't know what came to my head when i honestly answered back by telling him that life has been down for the past years. he then replied by reminding me that we are far better than most people nowadays and that maybe i was just asking too much. i know...and that fact has never eluded my sometimes stubborn head! but then again, isn't it that other people's miseries, however grave the situations are, should not be a reason for the others to confront their own?

i am in that stage right now. i'm struggling and nobody can ever understand what i am going through...not even my closest friends. and who would say that i'm struggling when almost everybody thinks that my life is lived the way i wanted it lived? then he mentioned something that struck doubly hard...he said that maybe i was just feeling the jitters of being in the middle age and that i just want to get married. TOINK! that hit me hard!

its my ex's birthday today and she's coming home on march...to get married! hahaha! hurray! good for her! im definitely happy for them! yeah right! the vision of my future suddenly turned gray and then black! suddenly there was no vision at all! i'd like to think that we are friends again. thanks to friendster, we got hooked up again and exchanged some emails...after a full year of nothing whatsoever....that's where she told me the PLAN. right after i read her email i asked myself if i'm okay...the answer was positive. after two years of being away with her, i came to terms that there is really no future for the two of us. but the fact that she is getting married way ahead of me (i dont even have a girlfriend!) made me feel how losing i am in this life. being alone doesn't mean you ought to be lonely, but then again in a time when many friends, officemates, relatives, and others keep on giving you wedding invites, would you not care to think where you're headed?

my mision is life is to help others, and that gives me a sense of fulfillment that nobody can ever give. kathleen, a very good friend of mine sent me a forwarded message which says that the finest hour in our lives is when we have done things to nameless people without expecting them to remember our acts of kindness and love. isn't it humbling to share your life with others? but isn't it more appalling to see yourself not doing anything good when you know you can do something great?!

i fulfilled a mission today, i was in amadeo and met my kids...nine brave souls that never fail to amaze me everytime i go and visit and serve them. its a tough time out there but believe me, they do wonders! they survive because of the help that others give them. but inspite of that, no gratitude was ever verbalized, no message of thanks was even said...they need not to - for their smiles are more than enough to keep me (and all the nanays, kuyas, ates, and other volunteers) going and continue what i have started a year and a half ago. there's no need of it for they heal me of my in ways that even i can't explain.

sometimes when you're in your sorriest days and suffering your most hurtful wounds you tend to become so drawn to negative thoughts that you almost always forget how good life has been to you. insecurities set in and you drown yourself in worthless things. but when you're faced with a fading vision and a striving mission, which will be overcome? what will emerge? which will be victorious? questions which you alone can answer....i know what's mine and its mine alone to keep...and you to answer yourself.

my firsts for this year

this year has been filled with so many firsts. as i remember them one by one, i could not help but reminisce the experience and the memories embedded in each.

TRAVEL. this year alone, i was able to travel nine times, the most in a year. two out-of-the-coutry trips and seven domestic job-related ones! whew! i was able to go to europe for the first time! paris in france, rome and naples in italy, the vatican, brussles in belgium, and frankfurt and koeln in germany. the experience was by far the best. it was also my first time to travel out of the country alone! also my first time to try backpacking! galing! my other foreign trip was my first time in japan. was able to go and roam the streets of tokyo and ibaraki.

my job-related trips saw myself walk the streets of mindanao. my work brought me to places where i never even thought id reach. it was a sight to behold. simplicity was all over the place. you'll realize that the few resources that you have is actually an abundance there. mindanao is not barren at all! it offers so many things and has sometihng that will make you think of coming back again.

my travel experiences were both grand and humbling. grand because it was really grand! europe was a place i have always dreamed of reaching but never really thought i would. the architectures were grand, the people were grand, their development was grand, the abundance was grand...the prices were grand as well!! japan was needless to say, a technological grandeur! a hub! both places have i guess the grandest train systems. i dont know, but the experience was just grand! ENGRANDE! humbling because not so many of us filipinos can really afford going to the places where ive been. humbling because my trips to the different provinces in mindanao made me appreciate the things that i have.

but really, the best part of it all was the people that i met and have become my friends! the people and not just the places have made my trips both grand and humbling.

MISSION. this year, last may in particular, i celebrated my first year doing volunteer services in the "bahay san rafael" - an orphanage of kids with cerebral palsy. it is run (an apostolate) by the religious brothers of st. john of god, a religious organization where a close friend serves as a formator.

i first thought of it as something that i should keep private and secret and only be discussed to a few selected close friends. but a friend told me that while my intention was good, it also becomes a selfish act. she said that others may want to help out and i might actually take it out from them. so here i am also publishing this and telling you guys that yes, i may look devious sometimes (notwithstanding the smile, hehehe!) but i do enjoy helping and reaching out!

volunteering in the HOME brings my sanity back in place! six working days, friends coming and calling for consultation, school stuffs, rehearsals, and so many other activities! but really everytime i visit johnny, dino, edwin, manny, mar-mar, kring-kring, kim, jay-jay, and my baby louie, i come to appreciate my life fully and forget about all my problems and my anxieties in life. being there is no handy task and was never a joke, but being there comes with responsibility and most of the time physical challenge, but when i come home and rest and retire for the day, i know that even as i sleep ill have that smile on my face that nobody, not even myself, will ever explain. that's the beauty of it all, and that's one of the principles that i hold firm...that i can and should help people and create an impact in their lives (however small or unrecognized) without them knowing it and without me having to expect something in return.

PERFORMING. last october, serviamus (where i sing tenor) held a concert. it was our first time to do such an endeavor. it was a fun experience. our singing prowess unleashed. our friendship tested and refined by the activity. although there were some hassles, i think we pulled it off!

just last week, my nephew was married and i was invited to host and sing. my first as well! again so many firsts in a single event. my first to do it in front of my relatives and my first to sing in the reception. the song "hanggang" was well applauded. it was just great! just like a friend (sp) always tell me - my time to shine!

WRITING. through the blog, it was my first time in so many years to attempt to resurrect my passion for writing, which apart from singing and meeting people, had been a true and honest passion! my writing had been shelved right after my stint with the american chamber of commerce where i worked as a project and research coordinator and writer, and although it was briefly lived when i wrote a couple of articles for thomson (my third job) where we had a quarterly web-based journal. i guess i really have to do this regulary...i feel giddy and weeded! if things will go into full circle, then i might end up working and at the same time doing his passion...its already coming!

WORK. this is the first time in years that i have both thought and actually have done something towards reaching my professional goals. my love for what i am doing right now is half felt everyday. it gave (and still gives) me challenges that sometimes run through my spine, which i like best! however, my heart really belongs to doing something else. something that what im doing right now would not be able to give me. my passion for writing and research had been halted bec my work now invloves one system analysis to another. what did i do? i finally stopped whining and submitted my resume! hahaha! go go go!

MY OPINION. our firsts will surely not be the last. either chance makes it happen for us or we really put our mind and heart to it and make it happen again. but our very fists will teach us and mold us to become better - so the next time we encounter or be in the same situation as before, we'll know what to do next or know how to do it better.